Believe me. If you massage
the fifth chakra long enough,
its grateful vibrations will
wake up dormant cells.

Then you’re well
on the way
to growing a brand-new Central Nervous System.

Hurrah. Huzzah!

It’s like Jack-In-The-Genestock.
The seed of an idea
that grows and grows becomes
synaptic kudzu. It slowly overtakes
your legacy CNS—gnarly, twisted
and fried as might it be.

Let us visit the
Museum of Developmental Trauma
to examine who to blame for this mess:

  • Fucked up parents
  • Evil babysitters
  • Potty training issues
  • Daycare-From-Hell
  • Wetting your pants in first grade
  • Getting bullied in kick ball
  • The favorite pumpkin got busted

 Still, not enough to merit counseling,
group therapy, or Lexapro.
Your dysfunctional mechanism has to be worser or
worsest to qualify for galactic empathy.
How to validate a legitimate
cRy fOR hElP??????

Time to thicken the pudding, caramelize the plot:

  • A mouth full of braces
  • Getting laid or not getting laid
  • Small tits, big tits, no tits
  • Locker room shower shyness
  • Seeing grandma and grandpa naked
  • Channeling Janis Ian on prom night
  • Uncle Joe stares at your ass
  • 11 p.m. curfew your senior year
  • Dropping bad acid at a Michael Bolton concert
  • Mean girls, wicked boys, D in typing.

 Now then. To fertilize the metastasizing
alternate central nervous system, you’ve got
to set into motion a subset of traumatic
interpretations that is constantly reviewed on
the video screen of the mind.

That’s when the child within, little Chucky,
gets seriously bent, spindled and mutilated.
Peek under his arms, like lifting the wings
of a dessicated bird. There’s the eaten-out heart,
beating wildly in the skeleton cage.

The over-sized head is oddly lopsided and bruised.
The genitalia may appear normal but
not according to you, so curses on them.

The voices. The critics, their chorus, their choirs:

  • What’s wrong with you?
  • Can’t you do anything right?
  • We knew you couldn’t do it.
  • If people really knew what’s inside…
  • Everyone else is normal.
  • Why did he/she have to die?
  • Maybe Uncle Joe did more than stare.
  • I’m not right.
  • I’m really scared.

 That’s when you know it’s going to take
a long, long time. That’s when you realize:

  1. What you have is all you’ve got.
  2. You can reprogram some not all.
  3. Growing new neural pathways requires herculean effort.
  4. Nature and nurture win every game.
  5. You never outgrow your parents or childhood.
  6. Transformation is possible.
  7. Transcendence requires dying or discipline or drugs.
  8. There may or may not be life after life.
  9. There’s not enough time to get it all done.
  10. Maybe you coulda shoulda woulda .

 Don’t you fret!

Angels to the rescue.
Blue moon in black sky.
Coconut macaroon cookies.
Love on Chucky until he feels better.
Rainbows and unicorns.
Skittles and organic doughnuts for all.
Snowstorm in April.
A miracle when least expected.
A friend when you need it.

The Universe has plans for you.
The Universe does not have plans for you.
It’s okay to pray.
It’s okay to cry in your chicken noodle soup.
It’s gonna be alright sooner or later.

It always does what it does.

~ Craig Shaffer  02/09/2011







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